I'm not posting as much lately. I am still catching up with the mail, kids, laundry, etc. With that said, I loved New Zealand and if I had realized how wonderful it was, I would have moved there after my last marriage. It's so far away but everything is there so you don't need the rest of the world.
The Molly Maid service came today. I can't tell you how good it felt to be getting my house cleaned (and not by me). My daughter was home because she threw up in the night so I told her we had to stay out of their way. We ended up running errands and grocery shopping. The break from the routine has been good for my 6 year old daughter and me. I was so crabby before my trip and she was acting out. I think I've been ignoring her for the last 4 years ever since her brother was born. And then throw in the Hep C and she was feeling really left out. I've been showering her with hugs and praise lately and it's been great. More than anything, I want her to love me like I love my mom.
Speaking of my mom. ---I will try not to cry--she tidied the house before I got back from New Zealand. She talked to the kids about helping me out around the house. She explained to them that I was taking medicine that made me really tired and I need help with picking up toys. The kids have been great and I hope this honeymoon lasts for a while. She said she wished we lived closer so she could help me out more. Oh, do I ever wish that, too. Not so she can watch my kids all the time (no, really), but that I could do lunch with her and shop on a saturday afternoon like we used to do so many years ago.
She brought up some things that sort of weirded me out but I know she is getting older. Like, when she dies, she wants my daughter to get her diamond ear rings. And that my sister and I can split up her other jewelry. I mean, OMG, I know she won't be with me forever, but I'm just not ready to let her go. She is the best thing in my life next to my kids.
Tomorrow, I'm seeing a certified registered nurse practitioner (CRNP) in psychiatry. My GI doctor thinks I need to be evaluated for depression. I'm actually feeling back to normal. It's amazing what 20 mg of Paxil and a trip to New Zealand can do. I haven't imagined myself dying in over a month now. I think I'm going to be OK.
So, I'll go for now. I'm not tidying the house tonight. I'm going to go take my Paxil and drink about 3 more glasses of water.
2 comments:
Glad to hear that your trip helped you refocus, I think we all need to at different times in our lives, especially when we are facing something extremely challenging like you are!
it was really nice of your mom to talk to your kids like that. i am glad it helped them see what your going through.
and i'm really happy to hear your feeling better!!
my dad sat down me and my sister a few years ago, had the "death" talk... never want to think of it!!
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